Brittany's Quest
by green-electric-train
Summary: Brittany realizes that she wants to be with Kurt and attempts to get him back. Doesn't end in Kurt/Brittany.


Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.

A/N: This story takes place from Christmas of Season 2 and to a little past the end of the season. Attempting to get into Brittany's head, and my thoughts went to a very strange place.

Brittany was watching probably the saddest Christmas movie ever. It was about a boy who really wanted some sort of gun for Christmas. He wanted it really, really bad and then finally got it. But, then the whole thing started over again. He didn't have his toy anymore and had to go and ask for it again. It was like Santa was playing a cruel joke; giving him his toy and then making him start from the beginning.

Even though it was really sad, Brittany never failed to watch it. Every year on Christmas Eve, she would sit on the couch in her pink bunny pajamas (like the ones in the movie) and settle down for the 24-hr show.

This year Brittany noticed something. The mom made Ralphie wash his mouth out with soap. Maybe that's what Dr. Carl meant when he told her to take care of and clean her mouth. So, she went upstairs and got a bar of soap and put it in her mouth.

It tasted really good. Much better than dip and burgers, stuff she was used to tasting from making out with every guy at school. But, Kurt tasted different. She couldn't really remember what he tasted like because after his dad left he stopped kissing and tried to explain what his dad meant by protection.

He gave up and called Santana, and she came over to explain. They already had the sex conversation before. Santana explained it then by showing the true form that condoms took; a balloon dog. Santana explained that all boys are after something, and girls need a special guard dog to protect themselves with and that's what a condom did. So, Kurt's dad meant her special guard dog when he said protection.

It all made sense after that, but Brittany was sad because she never truly got her sweet kisses with Kurt because they broke up soon after. He always smelt really nice, and clean, and soapy. And Brittany just found out that she really liked the taste of soap, so that means she would really like the taste of Kurt. Kissing Kurt would taste really good and keep her mouth clean. All she needed was a plan to get with Kurt again.

The Cheerleader Plan:

Everyone loves to make-out with Cheerleaders. So, Brittany decided to visit Kurt at gay Hogwarts (that's what Puck called it) in her cheerleader outfit. She overheard some singing, and decided that was where Kurt would be. She burst into the room, and it suddenly went really quiet.

"Kurt!" Brittany shouted as she flounced over to sit on his lap. Boys really liked it when you sat on their laps.

"Brittany, what are you doing here? It's not safe for a girl to be at an all-boys-school during finals. These guys haven't been outside the school for weeks. I'm not sure how they are going to act…" Kurt trailed off as he looked around the room. A lot of the guys had a look in their eyes that reminded her of Lord Tubbington when she opened a can of food.

"Hey Kurt, why don't you introd-"

"Hello there. I'm Kurt's best friend, we should go ou-"

"She's totally making eye contact-"

"No, she was lookin-"

"Stop fighting! I will bring out the- Hey! Give me back my gavel!"

Kurt grabbed Brittany's hand and stood up.

"Sorry guys, but I just remembered I had made plans with Brittany today. So, I'm…just…going…to…go."

Kurt and Brittany made their way out the door.

"Ah man, just when we were making a real connection."

They heard a slap followed by a muttered "Idiot" as the door closed behind them.

They held hands all the way to the parking lot. Brittany really missed holding hands with Kurt.

"Brittany, promise me you want come and visit without giving me a little warning. I need to prepare the guys. You can't just spring a pretty girl on them. They don't get out much, and it's like letting kids lose in a candy store."

"Okay, I promise."

"Are you okay getting home? I would go with you, but I have exams I have to study for."

"Yeah, I'm fine," Brittany walked off with a bit of sulk. She didn't have a chance to make-out with Kurt, but at least she got to hold his hand.

The Dinner Date

Brittany hadn't even come up with this plan. Kurt had asked her to go to dinner with him at Breadstix because he missed his girls. She showed up at Breadstix and found Kurt sitting in a booth with that guy from Sectionals. He kind of looked like another one of Mr. Schuster's sons.

Kurt made the introductions, "Hey Brittany, this is Blaine. Blaine, Brittany. Brittany it looks like you're the only girl who is going to make it tonight. I think Rachel may be stalking Finn or something, and Mercedes had a family thing come up."

Blaine stood up and shook Brittany's hand. She waited for him to sit down, but he kept standing. Maybe they were going to eat standing up.

"He's waiting for you to sit first Brittany. He has a thing about being dapper," Kurt explained.

Blaine gave a little smirk as Brittany sat down. Brittany noticed that he squeezed Kurt's hand as he sat down and left it there.

He was a dolphin! Her baby-dolphin had found another dolphin. She was really happy that Kurt found someone. Dapper-dolphin was very smiley and happy, and he laughed at all of Kurt's jokes. And he got a dessert to split with her (Kurt, said the chocolate would ruin his skin) and he let here eat most of it. It was only as she left that she realized that if Kurt had Blaine she couldn't taste Kurt again.

Threesomes rarely work, unless Santana is involved. And Brittany didn't think that Kurt would go for it. So, there was only one solution. Get rid of dapper-dolphin, so she can be with Kurt.

Eliminate the Warbler

Brittany wasn't' exactly sure how to get rid of Blaine until she overheard Finn talking with Mercedes.

"Now that they're-you know-officially together, I think it's time I had the talk."

"What are going on about?"

"Well, you know as the older brother. I need to protect Kurt, and give Blaine the 'if you hurt him, I will kill you speech.'"

"The only one who is going to get killed is you, when Kurt finds out you threatened his boyfriend. Just leave them alone."

"But, it's my duty."

"How are things with Quinn?"

"uhh…well, they're going."

"That's what I thought. Focus on yourself before interfering with others. Let's get to class."

That's what Brittany had to do. She had to give Blaine a scare.

She met up with him at the coffee shop he always went to. He seemed really eager to meet with her. It kind of made her feel bad. His eyes reminded her of a puppy. This was going to be really hard, but it had to be done.

"Hey Brittany, I'm really glad that we've got this chance to get together."

"Dapper-dolphin; if you hurt Kurt, I will hurt you. And I'm strong, I can totally lift Artie without a problem, so I will have no problem taking you on, since you're like small too." Brittany then did a storm-out worthy of Rachel Berry leaving a very confused Blaine behind.

Brittany had totally won this round. Kurt was meeting up with her to talk about things. They were finally going to be together.

Kurt was walking towards her with a very serious look on his face. "Did you threaten to beat my boyfriend?"

Oh, he wanted her to prove herself as a strong provider. She learned about this on Animal Planet. "I told him I would hurt him, if he hurt you."

"Why would you say something like that?"

"Because I want to be with you."

"Oh, boo. You don't want to be with me. We don't want the same thing. Well, actually the problem may be that we want the same thing or at least we do for some of the time. I like boys Brittany. I love you, but not in that special way. Blaine and I are like two halves to a whole. He fills in a part of me that I never knew was missing and together we make each other stronger."

Brittany saw Kurt's eyes light up when he was talking about Blaine. In that moment she knew they were meant to be. They were like one of those couples in a romance movie. Kurt's eyes totally lit up like Ariel's did when she talked about Prince Eric.

"Do you understand what I'm trying to say? I love him very much, and maybe someday you will find that special someone who completes you. And remember that I am always here for you as a friend, so you're not losing me even though I'm with Blaine."

Brittany nodded her understanding and gave Kurt a big hug. He gave great hugs; at least she would still have those.

_1 month later_

Brittany was going to the movies with Kurt and Blaine, but this time she was bringing Santana with her. Foursomes were way better than threesomes.

Everything was perfect as she settled down between Kurt and Santana and took both of their hands in hers.

"Eww, Brittany did you just lick my hand," screeched Kurt.

Mmmm ….soap.


End file.
